Well, it is the 26th of August, and today, I am presenting something new. The new sixth chapter of The Modern Day Casanova. I had completed it just as this week ended. Now, I know I've gone quiet, and that has been because I have had my hands relatively full the past few weeks. If any who read this has also read prior postings I've done, you are aware of the tragedy I've gone through this summer. Tomorrow, in my part of the world, marks the beginning of the school year, and so during the past week or so, I've been trying to prepare for the first day of the school year for my daughter. It's a bigger task than normal with the passing of my wife. Once the school year starts, I plan to post a linking post for The Cale Storyline, and what comes after it. For now, I want you all, who read this, to enjoy this chapter of this story, where our heroes (snicker) enters a store to acquire what she needs to further his goals, and have an uneventful (suppressed laughter) and un-embarrassing (nearly choking on suppressed laughter) visit to the store.

Again, in due time, this fic will get an updated look to it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.

Among the great thrills in life are some rather obscure, yet life risking things. Some doctors in California have stated that one of the riskiest things they had ever done was to get on the wrong side of a psychiatrist with multiple personality disorder, who was in charge of an asylum. In fact, the experts of Urban Thrill Seekers Monthly even label that as a nine point five on their thrill-o-meter.

These are the same experts that also state that getting into a taxi cab, in almost any part of the world, save one, is an eight point five on the thrill-o-meter, citing several hygiene issues as the reason. The cabs in Lost Wages, however, rank a fifteen on their thrill-o-meter. This is highly significant since the thrill-o-meter only goes up to ten.

Larry had found out why this was as the cab he was in sped through Lost Wages. A few times he saw his life pass before his eyes. (It took several times to see his whole life as he nodded off a few times.) He was thankful when the cab finally reached his destination, The All American C-Store. Larry quickly paid the cabbie, and got out. He even included a tip, figuring it might encourage the cabbie to drive safer (It didn't).

He looked around for a moment, taking in his surroundings. Dominating the street corner was the very store he was going to. On a pole near the store was a pay phone, and he resisted the natural urge of all human beings when it came to such a device (checking the coin return for unclaimed change, which was empty). Down the street, he could see a rather burly man standing in front of a door. He figured he would have to go down there later. He then entered the store.

There is a tradition when it comes to the convenience store. It has grown more commonplace over the years, but when one mentions one of those places, we get the image of someone of Indian descent. This little myth has actually been kept alive over the years, especially by the family of Abdul (you know what, I can‘t even spell his last name, let alone pronounce it). His family came to America in 1775, and has always owned one store or another before settling in Lost Wages. While they speak with out an accent, and have done for generations, the use a heavy accent to keep the appearance going. (They have also used it to get many alt-righters arrested. It also helped that Abdul’s childhood friend had joined ICE, and covered the Lost Wages area.)

This was the person who greeted Larry when he entered the store. As Larry scoped out the store, Abdul said in his fake accent, and mock English. “Welcome stranger. Wha-tee wan-tee?” Larry didn’t answer, since he didn’t want to openly admit he needed to buy a condom, or to use the more humorous term, ‘lubber‘. It was embarrassing for him to admit that at near forty, he had never had relations with a woman. It was for this reason that Larry started going through the various aisles in the place.

He, like many men, lingered in the periodicals aisle. There is usually more items in a periodical aisles to distract a man than a woman. These items were usually divided into three shelves. The bottom shelf, which would be the easiest for children to access, was where comic books, and periodicals that were child friendly were located. The middle shelf was usually reserved for hobby periodicals for both men and woman, and usually contained little to no suggestive material in them.

The top shelf was usually reserved for the stuff that would have questionable material in them, and even that was divided into rows. The ones in the back would also have an added precaution of a piece of cardboard in front to them to hide the covers of them. (This also denotes them as forbidden, and thus very popular amongst the men, and the immature boys who are sneaky enough to get to look at them, AND ARE NOT READING THIS RIGHT NOW SINCE THEY ARE SHUTTING IT DOWN RIGHT NOW SINCE I SPOTTED THEM READING IT.)

Like all men, Larry was drawn to that top shelf, and he started to look at the various titles. The usual compliment of a convenience stores compliment of adult titles usually includes Playboy, Playgirl (mostly for women), Penthouse and Hustler. Those titles, for the most part, usually allow their covers to be mostly seen. There are others, that I shall not mention at this time, that need their covers hidden, since they tend to include frontal shots of women who are at least topless. (Usually, these women are very well endowed, and even more so, augmented by one of the more noted plastic surgeons). Needless to say, Larry picked up one of these titles, Jugs, and began reading through it. He, like many men, paused to read an article in the magazine detailing how window washers would use bungee cords to secure them to what ever they needed to clean windows. Figuring he might need this knowledge, he decided he would pick up that issue (the fact that the centerfold for that issue was the noted adult starlet Chesty Turbo, noted for starting Porn Prod Corp, and being a natural J cup, never factored in to this decision) (Yea, I can’t even type that and keep a straight face.)

Larry then moved towards the back of the store, figuring that might be where the ‘lubbers’ might be. As it turned out, this was were the store kept its allotment of alcoholic products. These are of low quality, and as such, are basically only good for giving to bums and people you don’t like. Due to Larry’s history, he was glad to see the store had his favorite brand of wine, Chateau d’papier carton. This was usually the brand he got from co-workers. He decided he would pick up his own box.

Larry then picked up another breath spray (you can never have too much), and moved over to the counter. As he neared it, he noticed a sign on it. Apparently ‘lubbers’ were such a high demand item, that they had to be kept behind the counter for safety sake. (This makes it one of the more unusual high security items in the world, which was known to include copies of Animal House in some of the old video rental places.) Gathering his courage, Larry moved towards the counter.

If you have never bought a ‘lubber’ before (and if you are female, why are you buying it, he‘s suppose to be buying it), it is a very embarrassing situation to buy one for the first time. Many a young man have tried to wait until no one was around to pick up their first box of ‘lubbers‘, let alone pay for it. It is for this reason that men, like Larry, develop the momentary ability to turn ones head around three hundred sixty degrees. Doing this, Larry deemed the place deserted enough, and thus safe to ask the clerk about ‘lubbers‘.

As it turns out, when Larry asked about ‘lubbers’, the clerk’s accent became less pronounced. Apparently, the stock of ‘lubbers’ was something Abdul was well versed on. (As it turned out, Abdul had ordered every variety of ‘lubber’ out there, which explained the cheap alcohol selection.) Abdul asked him various questions regarding the ‘lubber’ that was needed, from the size needed (Larry answers the size all men need, GONZO), to the various texture qualities, (which for some reason included plaid and glow in the dark), and various things that might be needed for other activities (which I will not discuss in this entry).

When every question was answered, Abdul did something that has become part of the custom when buying something like ‘lubbers’, the obligatory embarrassing moment. Abdul basically shouted at the top of his lungs, in a voice containing no accent, “Hey, look at this guy who just ordered a..” (To save Larry any more embarrassment, since I have gone momentarily out of my mind, I won’t go through the list of choices made here) “...lubber.” Since Larry had checked the store before walking up to the counter, he was certain no one would respond.

Again, given the rules of maximum embarrassment, which also explains why a very noisy room goes deathly silent when you have to shout at the top of your lungs to pass an embarrassing secret, about twenty people who could not have all arrived in the mere seconds since Larry started talking with Abdul, all appeared. They popped their heads out of the aisles in the same way prairie dogs pop out of the ground, and cubicle workers pop out of their cubicles when there is a loud sound. All heads swiveled to look at the counter, and in one voice exclaimed, “What A Pervert!”

Once they all disappeared, and Larry was sufficiently embarrassed, he paid for his purchases. With his wallet slightly lighter, he started heading towards the exit, pausing long enough to look around the store again. He couldn’t figure out where all the people had come from, nor where they had gone to. After that experience, he wasn’t sure he wanted to come back to the store. He then left the place, realizing he may have made a mistake getting the wine. He would need to get rid of it in some way before he hailed a taxi. Maybe he’d find some place up the street.